Source: Pinterest

How well do you interact with other people on a daily basis? For instance, if you go to get your car repaired, how successful is that interaction with the employees at the service station? How successful are you with a business transaction when done in person? If the answer is "not very successful" then, showing a little amount of "deference" might help your interaction go along way toward success. Let me explain briefly.

Deference?

Ever heard of the word? I will admit that I had not heard of the word until I was listening to a podcast by Shane Parrish interviewing hostage negotiator Chris Voss the other day. The major take home point of the interview among other points was that showing a small amount of 'deference' will go a long way with any person.

First, what is the meaning of the word 'deference'. If I ask Google, the result is shown below:

Seems rather simple right? For most people, the thought seems rather too simple -- so simple -- that when asked would actually agree and state that they too show respect to others. Really? I recently attended the 'womens march' in downtown Los Angeles. Granted there were around 500,000 other people there too - crowded in a few square city blocks downtown. If you (the reader) were standing next to me near the stage of the beginning of the march, the observation that most people show respect toward others would not have been shown to be true.

People were pushing each other trying to get through a 'tight crowd' to get closer to the stage. The crowd was so tight that I was getting smashed up against the woman in front of me. People pushing through the crowd were told "there is no room to get through ... we have tried." Still, the persistent (and rude) people would push through and get stuck then act surprised and angry. I was absolutely amazed at the rudeness of people. The only saving grace of the experience was that any outbreak of violence would have cancelled out any effort to silently protest -- which was the purpose of the march.

When people get anxiety, stressed, depressed, upset - the true nature of people start to emerge. At that exact moment is the time to continue in your daily interactions to still SHOW RESPECT. Here is another example. Have you ever visited the 'do it yourself' hardware store 'Home Depot'? Take the availability of 'YouTube' videos coupled with the lack of deference and you get the average interaction between a customer and an employee at Home Depot. What do I mean by this?

I feel very sorry for the employees at stores such as 'Home Depot' who have to deal with very rude people. I have often stood in stores and listened to various interactions that have absolutely blown my mind. People almost tend to 'boss' the employees around at 'Home Depot' in order to minimize the hassle of having to navigate through such large spaces. Whereas the employees are asking questions to clarify to help get the customer to the desired product as quickly as possible. The usual outcome (what appears to be the case) is that the conversation is 'one sided' directed at the employee without the customer listening. Which results in more than one trip to the same store. Maybe the questions asked by the employees at 'Home Depot' are worth answering...having a dialogue might reduce the time spent (along with trips for a given home improvement project). Again, I admit that each of us have bad days. But that does not give anyone the right to disrespect others.

I remember a colleague who once told me that they were trying to do a home repair and needed a specific part. Upon entering the hardware store and inquiring about the part, the store employee said that the part could only be purchased by a 'registered contractor'. He was so upset since he removed the part successfully. What I took away from that story was that certain parts and jobs are better done by contractors. Regardless, each person should respect the process.

What the majority of people do not realize is that during any interaction, showing a little bit of 'humility' and respect can take you miles during an interaction. You will get great service. Or should I say, chances are if you start with a little humility and respect, you will get treated much better than acting like your time is worth more than theirs is. Try it.

Conclusion...

Each person deserves respect. Think about your last interaction with a person in retail...were you respectful to the store employee? Or did you place your time and money above their time? Meaning, did you treat them like you would love to be treated had the roles been reversed? I try to remember to treat others better than I would like to be treated. No one is perfect, but chances are that each of us could improve ourselves during daily interactions.

Why don't each of us try to improve ourselves in our daily interactions? What obstacles are preventing us from showing respect toward one another during any given interaction? What obstacles are preventing us from showing 'humility' toward one another? What is wrong with showing humility toward one another during a given interaction? Looking for answers to these questions is a daily struggle for each of us. But trying to improve ourselves on a daily basis gets us closer toward answering them.

More blog posts:

Parameters: Can Computers Think?

Thoughts: Senator Bernie Sanders Asks Public To Get Involved In The Public Process At Any Level