Have you ever tried to drive a car down the road (forward — in the drive) while staring in the rearview mirror? I find the job of driving a car forward while looking in the rear view mirror extremely challenging, if not impossible. The analogy for making a change in your life, followed by searching (focusing on) the past for answers rather than maintaining a forward-looking focus on improvement.
Whenever we make changes to our lives (personal growth, improvement, healthcare changes, etc.), why do the majority of people want to focus on the past rather than looking toward the future? The process equates to driving forward while looking in the rearview mirror. And the process is not healthy over time.
Change Is Tough But Rewarding
Any type of change in lifestyle is difficult for anybody. For a few people, the process might be more comfortable than for others. Depending on a person’s level of frustration with their current lifestyle (which is not working) on top of the desire to change equates to a rather smooth transition. The transition is propelled (in the short term) by frustration and the desire to change.
Although, over time, while the new routine sets in, the desire to return to our old habits might creep in. During these brief periods of mental relapse, a short visit into the past to remind yourself why the change is rewarding is worthwhile. What is not okay is dwelling in your past, while hoping answers will appear as to how to move forward and make progress happen daily. I will use alcoholism as an example.
Dwelling In The Past For Too Long Is Damaging
About six years ago, I decided to take a break (stop drinking altogether) from drinking alcohol. Anyone who has tried to give up drinking, which is used to habitually day-to-day drinking will testify to the difficulty. Upon giving up alcohol, I found the process rewarding immediately with little trouble.
The reason being was that I had reached a point where I was frustrated with my life. I had an excellent job and great wife along with a drinking habit which prevented me from engaging in life outside my house to a large extent. Any venues which I agreed to go to had to serve alcohol. What kind of life is this?
Over time (years), I realized that the amount of anxiety which I had in going to participate in any activity was paramount due to my drinking habit. Not significant, to say the least. When I reached for sobriety, I felt like a weight was lifted off of my chest. I did not have to worry about my next step in life revolving around alcohol and other vices. Awesome!
The first part of sobriety was natural for me. Since I am in education, I do not mind engaging in educational programs which help alcoholics. Therefore, I do not have to be ashamed or worried to admit that I love (and enjoy) attending Alcoholic Anonymous meetings on a regular basis. Education is the key for me to sobriety.
When I reach a point — say a lazy Sunday afternoon when I drive or ride (a bicycle) by a bar and look at the people having a good time — I visit the past. I remember that if I were to go into that bar, I would not come out of that bar for the remainder of the day. I would drink, play billiards, have a great time. And I would achieve nothing that I have worked so hard to accomplish in sobriety.
I am an extreme person, along with my wife. She is in the program too. Once I realize that I would be inside the bar and have a higher amount of anxiety than I do without drinking, I can keep going about my day and remain calm, collect, and no hangover — no sickness — while keeping up with my responsibilities. That is an example of visiting the past shortly, then moving on forward.
Forward-Looking Ensures The Greatest Success
As I have mentioned above, visiting (and I emphasize visiting briefly) the past is not bad at all. Your current achievements are built on the successes (or lack thereof) in the past. Not every memory is terrible. I enjoyed a large number of social events in my history, even with drinking. A little too much I might add. But spending (or romanticizing)the past too much is not great for success in moving forward.
I like to look forward and focus on day-to-day achievements now with the past in my rearview mirror. The past must be accessible. The past provides the foundation for the future. Success is, therefore, intimately linked to each of our past life events — good and bad.
Embrace the past while looking forward to a bright and prosperous future. Take each day — one at a time. Live and laugh about the past while moving (or driving) your mental car forward — best of luck in your journey. Cheers!
The article was originally published in 'The Ascent'.
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